A Candle in the Window

Jesus said, 

"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid." (Matthew 5:14)

Our world is dark, no question, and we have plenty of opportunity to shine for Christ. I love the picture He uses in this passage to illustrate just how visible we should be. 

As a teen, I caught my first glimpse of Seattle as we made an early-morning airport run. It was still pitch dark out, and I had never seen so many lights all at once! It was a spectacular sight, even from the freeway, miles away. Seeing all that light after hours of driving along the dark freeway was so refreshing!

But imagine with me a city, way up on a hilltop and filled with lights, as Seattle was that dark morning. The city shines so brightly, and gleams so warmly, we can't help but be drawn to it.  The thought of reaching the city and living life enfolded by that hopeful brightness inspires us to begin to walk towards it.

Now, imagine that the power goes out suddenly. The city is plunged into darkness, and from our view in the valley, it looks like the city has completely disappeared. There is now nothing but darkness, and however much we strain our eyes to discern the city against the skyline, we cannot. It seems as if the entire city has been wiped off the face of the earth, and we feel that the warmth and brightness we sought has been irretrievably lost.

We stand still for a while, wondering what to do next. Then, someone at the edge of town puts a single candle in their window. From deep in the valley, we look up and wonder: is that really a light? It flickers and glows a little stronger. Yes, now we can tell that there is light up there. It's not just a trick of the eye. The flicker we see is the flicker of a candle, and somewhere behind that candle is a person --a person who is not fumbling around in the darkness, but sitting in the warm glow of the candle's light while the darkness covers everywhere else.

With so much darkness around us, it can be easy to feel like there's been a major power outage. But the truth is, we are not a power grid to be shut off, but a collection of individual candles, each one carefully shielded from the world's attempts to blow it out.

The world's counterfeit sources of light: prosperity, health, wealth, peace, and safety have all become widely unpredictable this year. It's as if 2020 has pulled the plug on everything the world was working towards. There is widespread darkness, hopelessness, and fear. 

But just as a single candle burning in a window can be seen further the darker it gets, just one Christian walking in the light can make a difference. Look what Jesus says:

"Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."  (5:15-16)

Our light doesn't just illumine our own life, it lights the way for others, drawing the weary ones in the valley to the bright and hopeful glow of Christ. 

So, even when it feels like yours is the only window in the city with a candle shining, remember that even one can make a difference.

"This then is the message which we have heard of Him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all" I John 1:5

What Do You Expect?

I think it's safe to say that this year hasn't gone the way any of us had expected. So many plans have been cancelled, events have been postponed or called off altogether, and our daily lives have been upended. Even as things begin to open up again, things change so suddenly and so frequently, it's hard to make any plans at all. Never before has my generation of Christians (at least in the United States) been forced into such a literal practice of James 4:13-15.

"Go to now, ye that say, Today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that"

I don't know about you, but it's hard to hold loosely to my plans and expectations about the future, let alone my plans and expectations of what today will look like. Yet, the Bible clearly teaches that we cannot expect things to go as we planned. Honestly, we can't even expect them not to go as we planned.

So, what can we expect?

I ran across Psalm 62:5 this morning. "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him"

We wait upon God when we keep our eyes focused on Him, waiting humbly for Him to unfold His will for our lives. It is a moment-by-moment seeking of God, looking for His hand at work, holding our plans on open palms instead of tightly-clenched fists. To wait upon God is to expect only that whatever He does will be done for our good. It is to rest in the knowledge of God's goodness.

The rest of Psalm 62:5 mentions some things we can always expect of God:

• He will be our source of salvation and deliverance v.7
• He will be the only object worthy of our glorying in v.7
  
• He will be our source of strength v.7
• He will be our refuge v.7
• He will be trustworthy v.8
• He will be attentive to our prayers v.8
• He will be omnipotent v.11
• He will be merciful v.12
• He will be just v.12
  

In a world where we don't know what will happen next, we can confidently expect that God will still be God; unchanging, good, and sovereign over all creation!

Psalm 37: Truth for Tumultuous Times Part 2

In my last post, we saw from Psalm 37:1-15 that God wants Christians to respond to the chaos and clamor of the wicked world around us by delighting in Him, resting, ceasing from anger, and doing good.

Of course the reason we can rest in the midst of the wicked world is because we know that God is the Judge of all, and because we trust that He will make it all right in due time. If you haven't read the post, click here to read it.

The next two verses of Psalm 37 continue the theme of how to respond when the wicked are prospering. 

"A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked. For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the Lord upholdeth the righteous." (16-17)

It can be so easy to look around and wonder why the wicked seem to "get away with" their wickedness, and even seem better off for it, but we who try to do right just barely scrape by financially. Or perhaps it is that the wicked seem to get far more attention than the righteous. The world shouts their message, but tries to silence ours.

Whatever it is that strikes you as most unfair about our current situation, God again calls us to respond oppositely to the world. The world shouts "that's unfair!" and stamps its feet like a tantrumy child, demanding to be noticed and placated, but God calls us to be content. After all, the little we have is better than their riches, because, unlike them, we have God on our side, and He owns it all!

We can meet unfairness with contentment, because we know God, and because He knows us. Look at the next verses in our passage:

"The Lord knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever. They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied. But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the Lord shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away." (18-20)

God knows, and will provide for us. However the wicked seem to prosper, they prosper only for this time. They have their riches for now, but we will have ours for eternity! Again, we are reminded that God sees the wickedness of the wicked, and will judge in due time.

Next, God contrasts the behavior of the wicked and the righteous in another area:

"The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous showeth mercy, and giveth. For such as be blessed of Him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of Him shall be cut off.

Not only are we to delight where the world would worry, rest when the world would rage, and be content when the world would demand recompense, we are also to meet the world's dishonesty and greed with mercy and generosity. Again, we are to respond to the wicked by doing exactly the opposite of what they are doing.

I admit, it is hard to be generous to a greedy or stingy person. But isn't that what God does for us every day? Notice also that our generosity is fueled by His own. We can give because we are blessed by God, and are destined to "inherit the earth". I could go down a theological and eschatological rabbit trail here, but I'll save that for another day. The point is, we can afford to be generous, because everything we have has been provided by the One whose provision is limitless! He is more than capable of refilling anything we pour out to others. As my pastor likes to remind us, you just can't out-give God!

This generosity is not just financial, though. We are to be just as generous with our mercy. The knowledge of the eventual judgement toward which the wicked are heading should provoke pity in our hearts. After all, they are hurtling headlong into the hands of the Just and Righteous Judge, whose laws they have broken. It ought to burden our hearts, to motivate us to do all we can do to seek their salvation. After all, the greatest mercy we can ever show is to point a hell-bound sinner to Christ!

I'll end this post with some of the most encouraging verses in this passage. Against the backdrop of the darkness of this wicked world, God holds up a bright gem of hope:

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and He delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand. I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. he is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed." (23-26)

Here is a real life testimony of God's hand of blessing on the one who walks in His ways. When the world tries to trip him up, the Lord is there to catch him. When he gives generously, the Lord provides his needs. Despite the hopelessness of the world, God is there, and has promised to take care of His own.

Fully Persuaded

Abraham was old. His wife Sarah was old. God had promised a son, but they had waited year after year, until both were long past the age of childbearing. But then God told them that within the next year, Sarah would give birth to their long awaited son, just as God had promised.

Romans 4 says about Abraham,

"Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations; according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be.

And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sara's womb:

He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God;

And being fully persuaded that, what He had promised, He was able also to perform." (4:18-21)

God had promised something that was literally and physically impossible, but Abraham chose to believe it, to hope "against hope", trusting that God would be both able and faithful to keep His promises.

He was "fully persuaded".

He didn't just hope, he believed in hope. It was a definite choice to trust the faithfulness of the One who had promised. Neither did he allow the impossibility of the thing promised to shake his trust. He "staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief". In fact, he didn't even let himself dwell upon the impossibility, "considering not" the fact that neither he nor his wife were even capable of conceiving a child. God had waited until all human hope was gone, until even the possibility of hope had disappeared. --And aren't you glad He did?

We can look back at Abraham and be encouraged by God's faithfulness and power, or we can be tempted to dismiss it. We might think, well, that was so long ago, and it was for Abraham, that was different. But it's really not. Thousands of years later, we still have things God has promised to us in His Word. We still have things that seem --or perhaps are-- humanly impossible, that God asks us to believe He will do.

 A modern day example of faith in the face of impossibilities is Adoniram Judson. He knew God was calling him to take the gospel to foreign lands, but at that time, there were no American missionaries, nor were there any churches or societies prepared to send any. He tried to convince the missionary society in England to send some American missionaries out, but they declined. Then, after much effort, many disappointments and roadblocks, he and his wife Anne set off, with another missionary couple, for India. Through a lengthy series of circumstances, God redirected the Judsons to Burma, where Adoniram served as a missionary the rest of his life.

Much of that time, however, was filled with hardships and sorrows. During a war between Burma and England, he was incarcerated in a prison camp, where prisoners were deprived of food, chained together, with no shelter from the sun, rain, or insects. His wife brought him food for a time, but she became ill and he had to give their baby into the care of a stranger. After the war was over, Judson traveled back to their missionary station in Rangoon, only to find it deserted. Their few converts had been dispersed or discouraged by the war and its aftermath, and it seemed they would have to start all over. Through all this, the Judsons trusted God. They were known for saying, "The future is as bright as all the promises of God."

And it was. Though Adoniram Judson's life was filled with hardships and sorrows, God used him to bring the gospel to the previously unreached Karen people, and to translate the Bible into the Burmese language.  Judson's efforts are still bearing fruit to this day. Though he had times when he struggled to see God's purpose in the things which God had allowed in his life, Judson clung to the truth that God would keep His promises. He, like Abraham, was "fully persuaded", and God was fully faithful.

Which of God's promises seem impossible to you? Will you choose to trust, to be fully persuaded that God can perform that which He has promised?

"Faithful is He that calleth you, Who also will do it."

1 Thessalonians 5:24

I Shall Yet Praise Him: Dealing with Disappointment

I got out my planner this week. --You know, those books we used to use to write down all the things we were going to do? I haven't looked at mine since March.

Filling the squares of the calendar for this next week were event after event, responsibility after responsibility. It would have been the busiest week of the school year for me, with something going on every night as well as a writing conference all day Saturday. I remember feeling overwhelmed as I wrote in all the things I needed to remember to do that week, taking a deep breath at the recollection of how exhausted I usually am by the end of that week each year.

Yet at the same time, I looked forward to the excitement of the school year drawing to a close, to the bustle of preparation for the graduations and for the festivities of the last week of school to follow. I looked forward to all the new things I would be teaching my students during each of those school days, even if I would be tired from the long string of late nights. All those happy and exciting things almost made up for the stress and exhaustion of the week.

But now, as I look at the busy days that were to signal the final push towards end of the school year and the beginning of a new focus on writing for the summer, There's a lot to be disappointed about. Added to all that was the news I received this week of the cancellation of the four-day writer's contest I was going to attend in August. That and the one-day spring conference which would have been this week were like the two bookends of my summer, and with both of them cancelled, the disappointment seems complete.

However...

Looking at that planner, I was reminded of the verses in James which say: "Go to, now, ye that say, Today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that." (James 4:13-15)

It is natural to be disappointed when things we had so looked forward to are cancelled, opportunities are lost, or vacation time seemingly squandered by the necessity to stay home. I think everyone has at least one major thing they are mourning over right now, and it isn't wrong to feel disappointed.

It is wrong to stay there, though.

You have probably heard this example many times, but don't let familiarity rob you of its truth: While David was running from Saul (who was trying to kill him, even though he hadn't done anything wrong), he and his band of men had been living in the city of Ziklag with their wives and children. I won't belabor the background, but David's little army returned home to find that the city had been burned and all their wives and children had been taken captive.

Disappointing, right? Here they were, probably looking forward to some rest and time with their families, only to find that everything important had been taken away. This was even more devastating to David, because the men began to blame him, even to the point of wanting to kill him in revenge for what had happened!

So how did David deal with this mixture of disappointment, loss, and fear? he"encouraged himself in the Lord his God." (1 Sam. 30:6)

I don't know when Psalm 42 was written, or even if David was the one who penned it, but it expresses exactly how we should respond to disappointment, grief, and loss:

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God; for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance." (Psalm 42:11)

Throughout this psalm, the psalmist is honest with God about what he is feeling, even to the point of asking why God has forgotten him, but then he reminds himself of the wonderful truth "I shall yet praise Him". In the midst of sorrow, loss, and disappointment, the psalmist didn't lose track of the truth that now is not all there is. Even without Romans 8:28, he knew that God could be trusted, and that there would again be reason to praise Him, no matter how bleak he felt at that moment. That was the hope he clung to.


Whatever is happening, whatever you are missing, God knows. Invite Him into your disappointment, and see how He reminds you of the truth that it's not over, that He has good things planned for you that cannot be cancelled.   

The Illusion of Safety

We live in a day where safety has become a daily concern. Slogans such as "Stay safe, stay home." are flashed across all forms of media, and debates rage over what measures we should be taking to ensure our own safety and that of those around us. Masks or no masks? Quarantine inside or getting out in the sunshine? Open up or stay closed? Arguments abound, but no one seems to be able to come to a sound consensus.

A news article about a White House staff member's recent Coronavirus diagnosis posed the question,

"If Coronavirus is in the White House, is anyone really safe?"

The truth is, the idea of safety is an illusion. At least, from a human point of view. There is no sure-fire way of keeping ourselves protected from Coronavirus, cancer, car accidents, airplane crashes, or simply tripping over our own feet and sustaining significant injury.

Sounds pretty hopeless, huh?

On a human level, it is. We can never ensure 100% that we will be safe or healthy, or that our friends and loved ones will be so. There will always be the possibility of illness or accident, always the possibility that the next breath we take will be our last.

So where is the hope in all this? Proverbs 21:31 reminds us that

"The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the Lord."

So yes, we should eat our veggies and wash our hands. We should follow the guidelines set out by medical professionals that are working so hard to find new ways to combat disease, but we should also remember that all this is vain if we are not looking to the Lord to keep us safe.

We must also bear in mind that God's idea of safety may not match our own. We like to be left alone in our own little world, with things exactly the way we want them, but God's desire is not to make us comfortable; it is to make us more like Him. So, "safety" might mean taking away something that is hindering your relationship with Him. It may look like plunging you into the midst of sorrow, so you can find that He is your true source of comfort. It may even look like allowing illness or injury to get your eyes off the distractions in life and back onto Him.

Whatever God allows, we can be sure that if we have accepted Christ's payment for our sins, we are God's children, and as such, whatever happens to us must first pass through the filter of God's loving care.

Joy in the Midst of Crisis

Our world is in a state of crisis. It is a crisis with the potential to reach into our very homes, putting us and those we love dearest in peril of our lives. These are indeed serious times.

Yet because of the seriousness and the universality of the crisis we are facing, it is more important than ever that Christians maintain a Christlike outlook on what God has allowed at the global, national, state, and personal levels of our lives.

So how do we do this? How is a Christian to face a time of crisis such as we are living in? Hebrews 12:2 gives us the answer:

"Looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."

We can in this crisis, as in all others, take Jesus' conduct as the example of what our own should be. Jesus faced crisis. He was betrayed by a friend, wrongfully arrested, falsely accused, found innocent multiple times, but then sentenced to the cruelest of executions, having been passed over for a pardon in favor of an undoubtedly guilty murderer. He was beaten, mocked, made to carry a heavy cross uphill to the place of His execution, He had nails driven into His hands and feet, and then endured the agony of the cross.


And how did He handle it? This Hebrews passage, as well as the Gospel accounts, indicate that Jesus faced this enormous load of suffering calmly, patiently, and confidently. He saw the shame of the injustice of His trial and suffering as nothing. He despised it -that is, He saw it as insignificant in comparison with all it would accomplish.

The reason He was able to thus dismiss the shame of His trial and endure the weight of His suffering, is "for the joy that was set before Him". Jesus looked ahead to the joy that would come as a result of His suffering.

Matthew Henry says: "He rejoiced to see that by His sufferings He should make satisfaction to the injured justice of God, that He should make peace between God and man, that He should open a way of salvation."*

The joy of what God would do through the crisis is what kept Jesus going throughout all the suffering He endured for us; It is that same joy that can keep us going through our current crisis, and any other crises we may face.

We can face sickness, suffering, even death with the calm assurance that God's Word is true, that Romans 8:28 is not just a hope, but a reality!

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."

 My pastor commented on Hebrews 12:2 once in a sermon, and I thought what he said was particularly striking. He made the statement: "Christ's joy insulates us from the happenings of life."*

Think about that. It insulates, but does not remove. The joy set before Christ didn't remove the suffering He was to endure; but it did insulate Him from the spiritual effects of that suffering by placing it within a greater purpose. He felt the physical and emotional pain, but bore it with spiritual grace and fortitude because He knew what it would accomplish.

Our current crisis has a greater purpose. We know that because we know that God has already promised to use it for good to those who love Him. --COVID-19 is included in "all things", right? Then we can trust that God will do as He has said and use it for good.

The world is watching us, to see how we respond. Will they see us gripped by fear and worry, depression and despair, or will they see us respond with joyful grace and confidence in Christ?




*Matthew Henry: Matthew Henry's Commentary p. 1926
*Dr. Ben Jaquith, from a sermon Oct. 20, 2019

Imagine the Possibilities

About a year ago, my life turned a corner. I didn't realize it was a corner at the time, but corner it was, and looking back, it's amazing where that one little decision has led.

It was almost a year ago when I wrote the post entitled, "New Beginnings, Slow Transitions, and a Long, Straight Pathway". In doing so, I began a journey I hadn't intended to take, and embarked upon the adventure of quietly and unconsciously becoming a writer.

I have always enjoyed writing, but this past year as I began to write more and more, I found that the  more I wrote, the more convinced I became that writing was something God wanted me to be focusing on. So I continued to write.

Then, as the new schoolyear began to ramp up, so did my writing, with another unconscious embarking, this time upon the genre of children's literature. Thankfully, I had an encouraging little class of students, and when, in December, I asked if they would like a sequel to the one little story I had written for them, they not only replied that they would, they hounded me for it until I had finished it. Then other stories came, and I took great delight in reading them to my captive audience. Their pleasure in hearing the stories encouraged me to continue to write more.

In January, I began writing a study on Biblical contentment, and while in the midst of that project I "accidentally" began writing a novel. I quite enjoyed what little flowed out of the first idea which sparked the story, and I wanted to find out what happened next, so I began to write a little more here and there, but I had no idea where to start with plots and characters, and so very many decisions which must be made when writing a story of any length.  So I listened to writer podcasts, and ordered books on structuring and outlining a novel.

Then a few weeks ago, I went to a writer's conference. At that writer's conference, I shared the first page of the "accidental novel" with a kind woman who was a published author, and who told me that I should enter it in the Cascade Awards. I needed fifteen pages, however, and a synopsis, which meant that I had to make some big decisions about the plot, theme, and characters. That much is done now, and this week I sent in three entries to my very first writing contest. 

I don't know if I will win, or even if I will be a finalist in any of the three categories, but I do know that I never would have even thought of entering a year ago, and whatever the outcome, I am excited to have the judges' feedback on the pieces I entered, and I am glad to have exercised the courage to put my entries out there.

My point is, you never know what God will awaken in you as you yield yourself, your talents, your dreams and your aspirations to Him. As I wrote that blog post a year ago, I was laying one dream to rest, and felt I did not dare search for a new one, for fear that I would pick up the old one again in a different form. Then, as time passed, I began to feel that God was telling me to dream again. But I scarcely knew what to dream of, for God had led me away from that which I had spent all my dreams upon in the past.

Yet, God already had a new dream ready for me, tailored exactly to my place, my season of life, and to the state of my heart. He had taken away the old dream that I might focus upon the new.

But this new chapter of life doesn't necessarily entail a changing of the previous one; if anything, it just adds more work and more busy-ness to an already busy life, but it also adds another layer of purpose and vision. It encourages me to imagine the possibilities that exist when one serves a God with whom nothing shall be impossible.

And so I embrace the extra work, the extra pressure on my schedule, the sometimes late nights when inspiration hits just as I ought to be going to sleep, and with it I embrace the joy of doing what I was made to do, the satisfaction of a well-worded phrase or sentence, and the greatest thrill: that of having been used by God to write something which He has chosen to use in the heart of someone else.

I dare to imagine God using my writing on this blog and in other ways, to touch the hearts of others I would never have come into contact with before. I dare to dream of achieving, succeeding, not materially or in any worldly way, but I do dare to dream that I might achieve something for the kingdom of Christ through the ability He has chosen to awake in me.

 I dare to imagine that God could use me in ways I never could have imagined before and I dare to have the courage to step forward along this new stretch of my long, straight pathway, feeling that there are now mileposts along the way in the form of things God wants me to accomplish for His glory between here and my final destination. 

When God Withholds

Yesterday was Valentine's day. And you know what? It wasn't horrible.

I woke up this morning and was reflecting on what made this year's Valentines day different. I'm still single like I was the years it was so hard, I'm still living at home with my parents like I was, and honestly, not much has changed. What has changed, however, is the focus of my heart.

The Bible says "No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly." (Psalm 84:11b)

For years, the focus of my heart was on the "someday" when God would stop withholding that which I was sure was His plan for me. I was just biding my time until God decided to bring the right one along for me to marry.

But that attitude and that heart-focus both run contrary to the character of God. He does not withhold that which is good. If He does withhold something, it is because it would not be a "good thing" for us.

I had come to understand this in the last few years, and that has helped my contentment enormously, but this morning the Holy Spirit pointed out this verse during my time with God and took me to the next step with this truth.

It's not just that marriage is being withheld because it isn't a good thing, it's that singleness has been given because it is. If God had given me what I wanted, I would have been so busy with husband and kids and housework that I would never have learned all the things being single has taught me. And I also would likely not have become a writer.

The more I thought about this, the more I could see how God had given me this season of singleness on purpose, because it is exactly the "good thing" I needed to propel me into the place of influence and purpose He planned for me to fill.

And since I know that God sees singleness as a good thing, and meant this season exactly for me, I don't need to feel left out or as if something is missing. I have all I need because He has provided. That's why this Valentine's day was not the day of discouragement and discontent it used to be, because I have a sense of purpose that calls me to trust the Lord's plan and be content in His loving care.

Contentment chooses to see what is given, rather than that which is withheld.

...and a Happy New Year!

It is the very first moments of a brand new year, and I wanted to share this passage from Ephesians 3 with you, for this, dear reader, is my prayer for you in this bright and shining start of a new decade:

"That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man;
That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
May be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God"
Ephesians 3:16-19

That is the purpose of this blog: to point your eyes to the fullness of God which really can be yours as you seek Him and learn of Him.

Aren't you glad that God's goodness is not dependent upon our age, status, or stage of life? Wherever you're at, God is the same. He is not the author of emptiness, but of fullness; not of darkness, but of light; not of despair, but of hope. However turbulent the year may prove to be, God remains, and with Him the love and fullness which are always ours in Christ.

"Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, 
Unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

When God's Will Gets Confusing...

It's Thursday night, and I should be asleep.

I was actually excited to be going to bed only a little bit later than I should have been, with a busy Friday of teaching ahead of me, full of exhausted little ones and the need for lots of energy and patience, topped by a busy afternoon and evening. But between being just a little too warm, there being a little more noise than normal in the house, and not being as exhausted as I had thought, (hmm...  and maybe just a little too much caffeine as well...) I just couldn't sleep. That's ok, I thought, At least I'm resting. But then my mind ramped up with ideas for how I could be spending this time that I wasn't spending sleeping... then a text came in from a friend with a burden, and I began praying as well as trying to sleep. All the while, thoughts for this post kept occurring, and I was trying to mentally file them away for later and get the rest that I was sure I needed.

Finally, I gave up trying to sleep, yielded to what I finally admitted was the Holy Spirit's prompting to get up and write this blog post, turned on the light, and got out my laptop.

That was when I saw the spider.

With a heavy sigh, I grabbed a tissue, moved a stool over to where the spider was, and climbed aboard. What am I doing, Lord? I wondered. I'm supposed to be sleeping, getting rest for the busy day of ministry You have called me to, but here I am, standing on tiptoe, precariously trying to kill a spider in the middle of the night, completely wide awake.

(for all you non-teachers out there, 10:30 on a Thursday night is, practically speaking, the middle of the night. Once school starts, my bedtime closely resembles that of my seven-year-old students whenever possible. 4:45 comes ridiculously quickly during the school year.)

I took a breath, and reached for the spider, which promptly performed evasive maneuvers, dropping out of sight behind some furniture. Now I am really awake.

Then my friend texted again, this time having received some very sad news. I knew that was partly why God allowed me to be awake right then, so I could be there for her and pray for her.

*       *       *

Sometimes God's will for us seems confusing. Sometimes we can think we have it all figured out and begin to expect things to go the way we have figured they should go, getting annoyed when God has other plans. (Like being awake at 11:00 writing a blog post on a school night...)

And yet, who are we to be annoyed at anything God plans? He knows and wants the very best for us, and when there are difficulties or God redirects us, they are always for our best good --even when (especially when) those unexpected turns of providence go against our view of what is "good" for us. (Like a good night's sleep before a challenging day.)

Even when you are surrendered to God's will for your life, it can be confusing trying to sort out the details of what God wants you to do. For example, my parents and I were cleaning out the garage last weekend and I suddenly found myself staring down at several boxes of my toys from childhood... you know, the special ones you save to pass along to the next generation.

When I packed those boxes before our move almost ten years ago, my impatient 20-year-old self never would have imagined that I would be opening them again at 30, with the odd task of deciding what to pass along to nieces and what to keep --whether to keep-- any for that "someday", "if I ever have kids".

But there I sat, pulling out toys, each one bringing so many memories to the surface, enjoying seeing them, but determined to be ruthlessly realistic, determined to keep only the ones that were the most special, that I would want to stay in the family regardless, asking God whether or not I should even keep any of it, or if I should try to pass all of it along.

But, despite the confusion of working to stay surrendered to God's present will for me while trying to be open to whatever the future might hold, not knowing what that might be or how to plan, the task of sorting and deciding was much less difficult than I had expected. And in the process, God allowed me to find a specific toy that sparked an idea which grew into a little story that I am now hoping to have my artist sister illustrate for me and turn into a children's picture book. --All because of that confusing process of unboxing, sorting, purging, and re-boxing.

I don't know yet what will come of that story, or of those freshly re-packed boxes full of memories, but I do know that when God's will gets confusing, the best --the only truly helpful thing-- is to take our eyes off our expectations or ideas of what God's will is or should be, and to submit to His good and perfect plan for that moment...and for all the moments after.

--Even at a quarter 'till midnight on a school night.

Finding God to be Enough in Times of Grief

Grief is difficult to describe. I have heard it likened to drowning, and the adjective “overwhelming” has been among the most common I have heard used to describe the emotional turmoil of loss. But how can one adequately describe such a powerful feeling? 

I attended a memorial service for a beloved uncle last week, and I must admit, I couldn’t think of a better way of describing grief than the definition the pastor used: that grief is a hole in one’s heart that is carried with us for the rest of our lives. 

I cried at my uncle’s service, as I have cried over the loss of other relatives: not because of any sadness for them, (they are enjoying the glories of heaven!) but because a part of my heart is empty. 

I have found that grief is not the all-consuming pit of despair I had expected it to be when viewing it through the eyes of childhood. It is more like a flash flood. It comes powerfully, in waves. 

When my Gramma died (my first “real” experience with grief), I cried a great deal in the first few days, but even during that first intense period of grief, the waves would come and go. It was not a steady stream of sorrow; and even now there are times when I see a picture of her, or hear someone say something she often said, or smell the scent of the hairspray she used, and all at once I feel that emptiness acutely and the flood of grief washes over me anew. 

For me, these floods are usually caused by or at least strengthened or prolonged by “nevermore” thoughts. For example, the day my uncle was put on hospice, Mommy asked me to bake a small apple pie for my uncle. I was happy to do so, but as I prepared to bake, I found myself overwhelmed with grief as the same idea raced again and again through my mind:

His last pie. 

 The last pie I will ever make him.

The last pie he will ever get to eat.

As it turned out, he actually never got to eat the pie I made; he went to heaven the next morning before the pie could be delivered.  But I think God intended the making of the pie to benefit me more than my uncle anyway. It made me come to terms with the reality of the coming loss before it was upon me.

When my Gramma died, the “nevermore” thought that was on auto repeat through my head as I drove home from the hospital (and many times after that) was that she never got to see me in a wedding dress. Oh, how she would have loved to! She delighted to see her grandkids all dressed up, and I used to stop by to see her whenever there was an occasion to dress up for. Several times in the first year after she went to heaven, I had the thought as I got ready for some special occasion, “I should stop by to see Gramma afterwards” and was struck with the thought that I never could do that again.

But despite these oh-so-poignant “nevermores”, I have found that God is enough, even in grief. In every area of loss, whether it be loss of our dearest people or dreams or health or plans of how our lives “should” be, God’s character never changes, and Romans 8:28 still applies.

In my few sorrows, I have learned that dealing with grief and loss is just like dealing with any other area of aching emptiness: the answer is surrender.

Now, before you tune me out for being unfeeling, know that I do acknowledge that grief is real, raw, and powerful. To say that the answer is surrender in no way diminishes the reality of grief. But God is as His Word says, “a very present help in trouble”. In fact, Psalm 46, the first verse of which contains that wonderful truth of God’s presence and support in trouble, goes on to describe earthquakes and mountains melting into the ocean and angry waves shaking even the mountains. Yet, the very next thought is “There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.” (v.4) There is comfort to be found, yes and even gladness in the midst of such turmoil. The way to such peace and joy is found in verse 10: “Be still, and know that I am God”

The problem with my “nevermore” thoughts is that they presume to pass judgement on how things “should have been”, instead of accepting how God has allowed them to be.

It has well been said that “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.’”[i] But God is the Master of our reality. In times of grief, when the billows of sorrow and floods of “nevermores” overwhelm us, the choice to trust in God’s character and wisdom is crucial.

Think of Job. He suffered loss most of us will never come near to experiencing, but even in those first moments of grief and agony, he responded in a way God describes as being without sin.

Here is Job’s response: 

“Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21)

These words have been quoted and held up as an example to suffering people ever since Job’s story was first told, but I want you to notice God’s view of them. The very next verse clearly states why it was that Job’s response was right:

“In all this, Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.” (Job 1:22)

Here’s where it hits me the hardest: Those “nevermores” I so readily wallow in are nothing more than thinly veiled complaints about what God has allowed. In other words, I am foolishly charging God with incompetence or negligence at best, and malice at worse. After all it is God’s “good and perfect” will we are arguing with. (Romans 12:2)

Godly grief acknowledges sorrow and the feelings of loss, but chooses gratitude over complaint, humble trust over bitterness, and hope over despair.

God has designed us to feel those empty places. But the reason He wants us to notice them is so that He can fill them. When my heart feels hollow, I must choose to cry out to God, for Scripture promises: “draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you.” (James 4:8) When I yield my sorrow and hurt to Him, I never cease to find that He is enough.

---

[i] John Greenleaf Whittier, “Maud Muller”

Casting out Fear

For many years now, I have struggled with fear. As a child, I was afraid of literally everything. Whether it was spiders, flies (they sounded like bees), the faucet that resembled a face, or the coat rack in the hallway which terrorized me in nightmares throughout my childhood; you name it, I was probably afraid of it. 

As I have grown and matured, my list of things that terrify me has shrunk considerably, but as I stare the possibility of living on my own squarely in the face, there is one fear I simply must conquer. --I absolutely dread being in the house by myself after dark. 

Now, being a grown-up sort of person, it does happen that I am at home by myself after dark periodically, and I have improved some since that first time when my parents were called away to the hospital and I stayed awake in terror all night till they got back. And it’s not as if I have any traumatic experience of bad things happening when I have stayed alone before. –I just have a very active imagination, and I was not discerning as to what I fed it with in my youth. 

So, I will be going along, minding my own business at home alone when suddenly a noise or random thought will trigger a memory of a scenario I have seen or heard of or read about and my mind is instantly planning my response to the  situation, even though it isn’t actually what is happening. Then my heart starts racing right along with my mind and then I suddenly notice every noise the house makes, each one triggering its own avalanche of what-ifs. 

Now, it might be argued that fear is a natural emotion, and that there’s nothing we can do about it. The vast number of commands in the Bible to “fear not” make it clear that God (who designed us) expects us to choose not to fear. For years, I have struggled to understand just how to do that.

Then at Family Camp this year our preacher made a statement that hit me so hard I was left nearly breathless at the simplicity and power of it. He said that the answer to fear is God.

Think about it. When we give in to fear, we are in fact choosing not to trust that God is able and willing to protect us. 

Up to this point, the main thing I have turned to as a way to stave off fear has been the television. I grew up with the television always on, and it is very difficult not to turn on the TV to “drown out” the noises that trigger the what-ifs. Interestingly enough, it doesn’t actually work. In fact, it makes it worse, because I will still think I hear something, but not be sure if I did or not because of the tv, and that triggers a whole new set of what-ifs.

I now realize that I was trusting the TV or other people to provide my sense of security, instead of simply trusting that in my need for security, as well as all else, God is enough.    

Can I say that again?

God is enough.

To be fearful in the face of the reality of His presence with me is to be like a small child, closing his eyes and believing that he cannot be seen. 

This weekend, my new determination to conquer fear was tested. It wasn’t a situation in which I was actually in danger, but I could have been, and the what-ifs began to pop into my mind. With the first what-if, I made a conscious choice not to follow that train of thought, and instead to direct my thoughts to God and the truth of His presence with me. At every step, there was a new tempting thought, and I had to decide again to fight it with truth. It was a hard battle, but it worked, and I got into my car feeling the freedom of having won a victory. 

Now, I have by no means arrived, and I will still have to battle, but I feel now that I know how to fight, and that victory is attainable with God’s help. 

I John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

God doesn’t want us to live in fear. He wants us to let His love for us cast out our fears.