The Value of Encouragement

Two summers ago, I was hard at work on a research paper about Fort Stevens. It was my second research paper for that particular professor, so I knew I had to work hard for the A+ I so desired.  He was a stickler for good quality sources and proper punctuation in citations. He was probably one of my strictest professors, and I had him for two terms in a row. Although he was strict on the academic details, he was also kind when I reached out for help or had a question. And, most importantly for me, he chose to be an encourager.

When I received my grade from the first paper, I noticed that he said it was well-written. That was a complement, indeed, and I was thrilled, but didn’t really think about it much after that. I was just happy my professor was pleased with my work.

The next class I took from him was even harder and required me to write quite a lot. The paper was the final project, and I worked even harder, digging up sources, and taking notes, even taking a couple "field trips" to gather information. When it came time to write the paper, I spent the whole day in my room writing the draft. I usually could type up a pretty good paper in a couple hours, but this one had to be longer and the punctuation in the citations had to be perfect. I wanted an A+.

When I got my grade back, I was again delighted that my professor mentioned something about the paper being well-written. He was a historian, and I knew he could tell good writing when he saw it, so to be told by him a second time that something was written well made me think.

I’ve always enjoyed writing, and in college I would often breeze through my written assignments, enjoying the quest for just the right word or phrase.

My very first college professor (English class) had encouraged each of us to start a blog for the purpose of practicing our writing, and I had, but no thought of “being a writer” had ever occurred to me until that last round of college classes and that one professor who said my paper was well-written.

I don’t know why it sparked ambition in me –I’ve never been ambitious. But it did. I began to think seriously about being a history writer. I asked my professor if he thought my paper would be helpful to the historical society of the place I had written about, and he said he did. Then I began to think about other topics I could write about.  I didn’t have a degree in history, nor did I have anything else to recommend me except my research skills, but I knew I wanted to write, and history had always been a favorite topic of study.

Then the school year started, and I was too busy to think of doing any in-depth research projects. The months flew by in a flurry of schoolwork and ministry work. The next summer I researched the Tillamook Burn, but when it came to writing about it, I just didn’t seem to be able to begin.  Again, the school year intervened, and brought with it a busy schedule and the need to focus on what was before me. 

But as spring arrived, God shifted my plans about writing, and guided me to renew my efforts on this blog. He showed me that He wanted me to write about the things He was teaching me, and to focus my writing on truths from His Word. And here we are.

This summer, I am a writer. Now, that doesn’t mean that writing is my “job” for which I get paid, (yet) but rather, that I have finally admitted that writing has been a part of me all along, and now I’m seeking to use that part of me for God’s glory as He directs. Lord willing, I will have two short works in print by the end of the fall, the first of which is that same research paper from the history class, and the other is a short devotional. There are several more books in the works, and it has been so exciting to see just how far God has taken my writing in the last year.

And as I finish up this summer of "taking writing seriously", I have never been more grateful to that professor for his ministry of encouragement and the words God used to redirect me!

"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and good works" (Hebrews 10:24)

--Dear reader, who is it that God wants you to encourage today? 

A Candle in the Window

Jesus said, 

"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid." (Matthew 5:14)

Our world is dark, no question, and we have plenty of opportunity to shine for Christ. I love the picture He uses in this passage to illustrate just how visible we should be. 

As a teen, I caught my first glimpse of Seattle as we made an early-morning airport run. It was still pitch dark out, and I had never seen so many lights all at once! It was a spectacular sight, even from the freeway, miles away. Seeing all that light after hours of driving along the dark freeway was so refreshing!

But imagine with me a city, way up on a hilltop and filled with lights, as Seattle was that dark morning. The city shines so brightly, and gleams so warmly, we can't help but be drawn to it.  The thought of reaching the city and living life enfolded by that hopeful brightness inspires us to begin to walk towards it.

Now, imagine that the power goes out suddenly. The city is plunged into darkness, and from our view in the valley, it looks like the city has completely disappeared. There is now nothing but darkness, and however much we strain our eyes to discern the city against the skyline, we cannot. It seems as if the entire city has been wiped off the face of the earth, and we feel that the warmth and brightness we sought has been irretrievably lost.

We stand still for a while, wondering what to do next. Then, someone at the edge of town puts a single candle in their window. From deep in the valley, we look up and wonder: is that really a light? It flickers and glows a little stronger. Yes, now we can tell that there is light up there. It's not just a trick of the eye. The flicker we see is the flicker of a candle, and somewhere behind that candle is a person --a person who is not fumbling around in the darkness, but sitting in the warm glow of the candle's light while the darkness covers everywhere else.

With so much darkness around us, it can be easy to feel like there's been a major power outage. But the truth is, we are not a power grid to be shut off, but a collection of individual candles, each one carefully shielded from the world's attempts to blow it out.

The world's counterfeit sources of light: prosperity, health, wealth, peace, and safety have all become widely unpredictable this year. It's as if 2020 has pulled the plug on everything the world was working towards. There is widespread darkness, hopelessness, and fear. 

But just as a single candle burning in a window can be seen further the darker it gets, just one Christian walking in the light can make a difference. Look what Jesus says:

"Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."  (5:15-16)

Our light doesn't just illumine our own life, it lights the way for others, drawing the weary ones in the valley to the bright and hopeful glow of Christ. 

So, even when it feels like yours is the only window in the city with a candle shining, remember that even one can make a difference.

"This then is the message which we have heard of Him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all" I John 1:5

True Peace

We live in turbulent times.

Last night, my little town's four-block downtown was scheduled to be the site of a protest. You've probably heard the horror stories of the recent protest-turned-riot trend; buildings set on fire, stores looted, people hurt or killed.

As my family and I settled in for the evening, we weren't sure what to expect. I remembered a video someone had posted on social media earlier in the week from a city where protests were happening. Throughout the video, you could hear sirens and what sounded like someone shouting through a megaphone in the background. Would that be the soundtrack to our evening? We were only a short walk away from the protest, so if anything catastrophic unfolded, we would be sure to hear it.

So, we settled in for the evening, waiting, wondering, but oddly enough, I've never felt more safe. I had a sense of inner certainty that whatever the evening might bring, it would not be more than we could handle, because we were resting within the protection of our heavenly Father's care.

That is true peace.

One thing I think everyone can agree on is that we want peace for our nation, our states, our communities. We don't want to have curfews, or be in fear of our city being set on fire, We don't want to turn on the news only to hear of more violence or discord.

But collective peace comes from individual effort. Until we can be at peace individually, until we can be self-controlled and measured in our individual responses, until we are set free from the slavery of our own individual hatred and bitterness towards others, there will be no peace. And each of these individual qualities can only be addressed within the heart of the individual.

Instead of shouting or chanting or lying on the ground, what if the outrage sparked by recent events caused Americans to respond with quiet strength, to look first within and see what was in their own hearts, and then, having dealt with the beam in their own eye, to try humbly and patiently to help their brothers remove the specks from theirs?

Whichever side you may be on, there is no denying that the vehement, violent, destructive responses are fueled by individual hate. It is hate that motivates the individual to throw bricks, set fires, or shout in people's faces. That is not peace, love, or tolerance.

"There is no peace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked." (Isaiah 48:22) For the Christian, the state of our communities, our nation, and the world is not what determines whether or not we have peace. It is natural that the wicked be without peace, for we were not designed to have peace apart from God.

In John 16:33, Jesus says, "These things have I spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."  He tells us we will have tribulations, but then tells us to be of good cheer. Humanly, that makes no sense. If we're going to be experiencing trouble, why would we be happy? Because Jesus has overcome. He is in control, and He is stronger than any force of evil we will ever face. Whatever trouble comes to us must first pass through His loving hands.

I read John 14 this morning in my time with God, and I was struck by Jesus' statement in verse 27. "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

A Christian's peace is not the peace of the world. The world has peace only when everyone is getting along and everything is going well. Its peace is dependent upon circumstances. As Christians, our peace transcends circumstances. No matter what is happening, no matter who opposes us, no matter how bleak our circumstances, we can be at peace, because we trust the One who is overseeing and orchestrating those circumstances for our good.

This is the same reason Christians can choose a measured response to wrongs committed against them or their loved ones, because they trust that God knows what He is doing in allowing those wrong things. Justice is right and good, but must be obtained through appropriate measures, and with a heart of forgiveness --not condoning the wrong, but extending to them that forgiveness which we ourselves have received from God.

So, how's your peace? Are you resting and trusting, or fearing and fighting?

Book Review: Beyond Stateliest Marble

Yesterday, I finished reading a little volume entitled Beyond Stateliest Marble: the Passionate Femininity of Anne Bradstreet by Douglas Wilson. It is part of a series called "Leaders in Action", from which I have another biography I've never quite been able to get through. I plan to try again, however, after reading this one.

The biographies in this series include several distinct parts, and admittedly, the first section detailing the life and historical times of Anne Bradstreet was a bit dry. (Which is quite a concession from a history nerd, who really appreciated the historical background so carefully given... it just took me awhile to get into it.) After that, however, I was very pleased with the straightforward writing style (even if it was slightly ironic in a book about a poet).

Wilson did a great job of demonstrating just how Anne's Puritan beliefs informed every aspect of her life, and also just what those beliefs were. He dispelled many common myths about the Puritans and backed up his assertions with good historical and Scriptural data.

As a historian, I enjoyed the book and feel like I have a better grasp of where Anne Bradstreet's life and work fit into the broader scope of history. I had tended to imagine her out on her own living on a homestead somewhere, writing poetry constantly, but in fact, she lived in a close-knit colony, which really functioned like a town. She and her community were greatly affected by the political goings-on in England, and it was fascinating to have snippets of Anne's own writings scattered throughout the descriptions of the different turns of events in the English Civil War.

As a writer, I was encouraged by the fact that she did her writing in a few hours here and there, snatched from sleep. She was not a full-time writer by any means. I was also encouraged by the balance her life displayed between fulfilling her God-given duties to home and family, but also using the particular ability God had given her to its fullest.

As a Christian, and particularly as a Christian woman, I was encouraged by how Anne's life displayed not only submission to the authorities in her life and to the roles of daughter, wife, and mother, but also at the utter fulfillment she had in those roles. Wilson says it well, referring to the publication of her first book of poems (which was done without her knowledge):

"The publication of The Tenth Muse revealed Anne Bradstreet's profound humility. She accepted it, and she took pleasure in it. But she did all this without altering the direction and course of her life, and without being distracted by it. Her identity was not that of a poet. She did not adopt poetry as a minor 'career'. She was a wife and a mother, and she used her poetic gifts from the vantage point of that identity. She did not cling to them as a substitute for that identity." (p.91)

Anne Bradstreet's life is remarkable as an example of a woman whose devotion to God fueled every aspect of her life, whether writing, family, or even just how she viewed the world around her. This biography demonstrates the power her godly example had on her family and community, as well as the power it can still have on Christians as we look back to the life she lived as she walked with God.

Book Review: Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

When one of my friends recommended Let Me Be a Woman as our next book club read, I was thrilled! I had heard of this book from several people, and I have always found Elisabeth Elliot's writings to be helpful and insightful, so I jumped at the excuse to spend some time with this little volume.

The book itself is not very long, and although there are 49 chapters, each one is only a few pages. it made a good "filler" read for when I had just a few spare minutes here and there. 

That having been said, this book has a great deal of substance. Written as a sort of letter to her daughter on the occasion of her marriage, this book contains some powerful arguments against the modern feminist movement. It was originally written in 1976, but the message is still vibrantly true and needful today. 

The overall premise is that God has designed women to be the most fulfilled when they are fulfilling the purpose for which He has designed them. 

Simple, right? 

But what the Bible clearly teaches about God's design for women is so very different from the feminist perspective, and there have been many arguments put forth against the Biblical model of womanhood. This book combats some of the most common of these arguments. It also gives some excellent perspective on how God intends for marriage to work and some good advice on some points to consider before entering marriage. 

This is my favorite quote from the book:

 "The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God's idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be." 

Book Review: In His Steps

In October, my book club read the novel In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon. I had read it once when I was a teen, and I was surprised by just how much I had forgotten of the plot line.

This may be understandable, since the occasion of my first reading of the book was on a camping trip. It was my first time camping since almost before I could remember, and I was staying (for the first time) in my own tent. It was also November, and bitterly cold. 

Add to that the fact that the story around the campfire that night had been of the time my parents had inadvertently pitched their tent over a mousehole and felt the mice crawling under their sleeping bags all night, as well as the fact of my absolute terror of the small furry creatures, which was compounded by the further fact that several mice had boldly visited our fire while the fateful tale was told.

Needless to say, I wasn't going to sleep that night. 

A choir director had given me a copy of In His Steps one Christmas, and I had brought it with me, because, of course, a homeschooled teen never leaves home without a book. I read it in its entirety that night as a means of distraction as I waited for morning and light and the banishing of all imagined terrors of mice. I did rush through the last few chapters, however, which my surprise as I read it again years later, completely oblivious of the ending. 

And now for the actual book review: 

As a teen, I was captivated by the character of Rachel Winslow. Reading of her dedication of her voice to the Lord's service was the first time I had ever really thought about the impact one's music could have. I longed to have a voice like Rachel's that would still a rowdy mob and move their hearts so. I think at that point in my life, it was the power her voice gave her that I wanted, more than the ability to use that power for the Lord.

This time, I noticed all the characters, each having its own set of circumstances or dilemmas with which I could relate. It is interesting to me just how much more exciting this book was now, and I am certain it has to do with the fact that my relationship with God is much closer now than it was when I first read the book, which accounts for the growth in excitement over the thought of what God could do through a Christian who was fully committed to obeying Him. 

The scope of the influence of just one minister's decision not to do anything without first asking himself, "What would Jesus do if He were in my position?" is nothing less than astounding. Yet, for the Christian, such influence should hardly seem out of reach, because it is God's power doing the working and the Holy Spirit doing the influencing. For the submitted and obedient Christian, anything is possible! 

I end with my favorite quote from this encouraging novel: 

"No man can tell until he is moved by the Divine Spirit what he may do, or how he may change the current of a lifetime of fixed habits of thought and speech and action."

Getting God's Heart for Difficult People

School began last week, and I had wanted to post this particular blog post before I met my thirteen God-given charges for the schoolyear, but time got away from me and now here I am, one week in, writing about difficult people.

To be clear, I'm not writing because of any specific student. As I contemplated some of the challenges and difficulties I would be facing this year, God brought along a speaker at Family Camp that spoke on exactly what the students I was getting would need. (It never ceases to amaze me how God does that for me!) Because I went into the schoolyear with tools from God's Word and a renewed sense of purpose and the importance of walking in the Spirit every moment, things have gone better than I had thought they would these first weeks.

As I prepared for the schoolyear, though, I began thinking back over past years and past non-school related difficulties with people around me and I realized that the key to dealing with difficult people is to have the same heart God does for them.

When I think about God having to deal with difficult people, I think of the Old Testament example of God's dealings with the nation of Israel. He delivered them in a miraculous way from slavery in Egypt, provided for their needs in the desert, and showed Himself strong on their behalf so many times, and yet they were still selfish, distrusting, disobedient, and unfaithful. But God still loved them, and sent prophets time and time again to turn their hearts back to Himself.  Even though He had to bring judgement upon their sin, He never gave up, and never forsook them.

God's heart cries out for the difficult ones. Jesus wept over Jerusalem, saying,

 "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!"

Nehemiah puts it this way:

"Yet many years didst Thou forbear them, and testifiedst against them by Thy Spirit in Thy prophets: yet would they not give ear: therefore gavest Thou them into the hand of the people of the lands. Nevertheless for Thy great mercies' sake Thou didst not utterly consume them, nor forsake them; for Thou art a gracious and merciful God"  

(Nehemiah 9:30-31)

This passage is preceded by a summary of Israel's cycle from blessing to falling into sin, to judgement, to crying out to God, and then to His blessing again. The final straw, as it were, was the continual rejection of God's warnings, which required God in His perfect justice to bring judgement which removed the people from the land for seventy years. Nehemiah is referring to this, and to the amazing and miraculous way God allowed for their return when their "time out", so to speak, was over.

In reading through the pre-exile prophets, one cannot but be struck with the heart of love behind the warnings of judgement. God could have brought instant judgement, especially since He knew whether or not the people would have repented, but he chose instead to demonstrate His unfailing love over and over again before finally bringing the promised judgement. The focus behind the judgement is that God's people would know that He is God. Then they would be His people, and He would be their God, just as He had planned all along. That is what God desires for the difficult ones: for them to be brought back into relationship with Him as He designed them to be.

Here's where it gets practical: God's love is unconditional, and ours ought to be, too. That doesn't mean we should never say things others find unpleasant, but we should say them from a heart of love, and for the purpose of bringing that person back in line with God's Word.

I am writing this as much for me as for you. It is easy for me to be patient first thing in the morning, but when the same person does the same thing for the millionth time (or at least, it seems like the millionth...) it is easy to give in to the flesh, throw up my hands, and give up. Those are usually the moments when God wants to use me to show love to that person in a powerful way that only He can empower me to do, and if I give in to frustration or anger or irritation, that person will not see God's love in me.

God's goal is to restore, to build. As His representative, I must have His heart of restoration, forgiveness, and love towards others, even when they are difficult. When God prompts it, I must say the hard things, take the hard stand, but always with a heart of love and a desire to see God work to bring that person back to where He desires them to be.

So who is the difficult person God wants you to show His love to today? Ask Him to give you His heart for them. He will, and it will make all the difference!

The Importance of Family Vacations

A week ago, I traveled with my parents to my oldest nephew’s graduation. I almost decided to travel separately, partly because I enjoy driving, and partly because I enjoy the freedom to stop whenever and wherever I feel like stopping on the way back home. My dad had seemed a bit disappointed, though, when I had voiced my inclination to travel alone, so I had changed my plans. After all, it had been years since we had done a trip together, and he had planned to do some vacation-y things on the way back home. 

I am so glad I did not go with my first instinct about this trip. My parents and I had so much fun! It wasn’t as though we did anything extravagant –we stopped at a grocery store and bought food to put in our cooler for lunch in the car later, we went to a free visitor’s center museum, and we took a walk at a small state park while Daddy napped in the car. We did go to one visitor’s center museum that charged admission, but my parents are both seniors now, which gave us a discounted rate.

No, the blessing of this trip wasn’t in enjoying luxuries or in the novelty of things we did (picnic in the car, driving, going to a couple visitor’s centers…). It wasn’t even in seeing something amazing. (We got pictures of Mount St. Helens from afar, but by the time we got to the closest viewing area, the clouds had rolled in.) The joy of this trip was in the bonds developed by experiencing something together. It was my dad’s first visit to St. Helens, and it was fun to show him all the things my mom and I had enjoyed when we had visited there years before. The memories we made are now the building blocks of relationship, because they gave us a new source of conversation, reminiscence, inside jokes, and illustrations for future times together. The shared experience of even a day trip can serve as a catalyst for building relationships with your family. 

Spending a lengthy amount of time in the car together also forces a family to find things to talk about. In our case, it was the scenery, the book I was listening to (with headphones), the talk shows and music everyone else was listening to, and anything else that came to mind as we drove. Because we had such a long time together in a small enough space no one could escape into their own space, we ended up finding things to talk about that we wouldn’t otherwise have bothered to bring up in conversation.

So the moral of my trip is: even if you enjoy the independence of traveling solo, try traveling with others more often: you never know how God might use it!

Gentling Influences Part 3: Attitude

Mommy and I were at a store today when I found this mug.

Attitudes can be quite contagious.Have you ever noticed how when one family member is in a bad mood, everyone else quickly joins them? I seem to be particularly susceptible to bad attitudes.It is so important for us as ladies to keep a good attitude. If we easily "catch" the grumps of others, our homes will soon be full of contention, anger, and selfishness.

I recently realized that a bad mood is actually just selfishness. Think about it. What usually sets off a bad mood? It is usually some mistreatment or neglect (real or percieved) directed towards ourselves by another. Of course, things of a serious nature do need to be dealt with, but are we holding onto the little things that don't even matter? Even if another is grumpy, we do not have to join them. We have a choice whether or not to be selfish!

You know, a good attitude is just as contagious as a bad. Mommy and I have a game we play when driving through road work areas. We have noticed that the "flaggers" almost always look decidedly grumpy, with either a frown or a scowl on their faces, so one day, we decided to try to make the flagger smile. As we drove by, we smiled at her and waved a thank you. She smiled and waved back! And after that we have always tried to make the flaggers smile as we drive by.

That game works in our homes as well. Just as one bad attitude can cause the whole household to be grumpy, one with a determined good attitude can completely reverse it!

~Try it and see!

Handshakes

Have you ever had to shake hands with someone who had such an atrocious handshake it made you shudder? I recently met someone who had what I call the “dead fish handshake”. Their hand was completely limp. (And slightly slimy…eew!) My Dad always told me that one can learn a lot about a person by the way they shake hands. The following are my observations of what one can learn from a handshake.

The shrinking shake: This is the handshake that lasts less than a second, (often accompanied by distinct fishiness of the deceased variety) which clearly communicates dislike or discomfort.

The speed shake: At the end of this shake, one is often surprised to find that his hand has not vibrated off! Often fueled by the exuberance of youth, this shake clearly denotes enthusiasm or excitement. –Or a rather extreme excess of caffeine or sugar. : )

The trick shake: This shake could take several forms, and is usually completely unpredictable. Such a shake reveals a personality with an all-too-healthy dose of mischief in it.

The rival shake: In order to experience this shake, one must participate. Instead of maintaining an appropriately firm grasp of the other person’s hand, both parties grip as hard as they can for as long as they can, or until one surrenders. This shake reveals a competitive or adversarial spirit.

The warm shake: This is the best kind of shake. Hearty, firm, and often accompanied by a happy smile, this shake communicates warmth of feeling and friendship.

Just like Daddy always says, you can learn a lot from a handshake. What does yours say about you?

Gentling Influences Part 2 --Refinement of Manner

(Yes, I know it's been months since I wrote part 1.)

Ladies have a profound influence upon those around them, not only through how they look, (which was addressed in part 1) but also in their manners.

In our day and age, society does not emphasize refinement of manners as something to be desired in a young lady. A young lady's manners say much more about her character than one might think. Several character traits displayed by those with "refined manners" are kindness, unselfishness, integrity , and discretion, just to name a few.

Kindness: "And be ye kind to one another..." (Eph. 4:32) Most of what defines good manners is kindness. It is polite to hold the door for an elderly person, or to give up one's seat to another, or to be thoughtful in what we say, because it is kind. A kind young lady will naturally have good manners, whether or not she has been trained in them.

Unselfishness: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God" (Eph. 5:21) Unselfishness is the bloom atop the stem of kindness. It prompts one to put the needs and wishes of others before his own. Without an unselfishness of heart, good manners will breed bitterness and a rebellious spirit. To focus on one's self, complaining inwardly every time an inconvenience arises for the cause of good manners, is to be forever annoyed, for there will always be times when one does not get his own way. An unselfish young lady thinks first of others, and even when it is inconvenient, puts others first with a cheerful smile.

Integrity: "Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." (Matt. 7:20) Integrity is doing what is right regardless of circumstances. No matter who is watching or not watching, or what others think about you, right is right. True character is not defined by what others think. One should always endeavor to consistently do the right thing. Without integrity, good manners are superficial and insincere. A young lady of integrity will not hesitate to return the excess when she is given too much change. She will unflinchingly keep her word, though it cause her great inconvenience or personal cost. She will do her chores without being asked, and will not wait, hoping her mother will forget to remind her.

Discretion: "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion." (Prov. 11:22) Discretion is being careful to be appropriate in word and action. Just as a jewel of gold cannot hide the disgusting smell of a pig, outward beauty cannot disguise the "stench" of a foolish heart. One without discretion will not think of others before they speak, but will tell the secrets of others to anyone and everyone. They will gossip and be unkind and unjust in their words. They will not know when to be silent, or when a laugh is inappropriate. Discretion adds refinement to even the plainest manners. A young lady with discretion will be counted trustworthy as a good friend and confidant. She will weigh her words, that she might not hurt or embarrass another by her speech. She will not make rude jokes or comments, but endeavor to be appropriate in her words and actions.

Gentling Influences: Part 1

My brother will often have me accompany him to social events for which I have no other reason for going than the fact that my brother will be there. Usually he has a reason for bringing me, sometimes because he wants me to be friends with his friends, but more often because my presence with him would prevent some sort of awkwardness from occurring. The other day was just such an occasion, and I went with him to have dinner at his friends’ house. If it weren’t for my brother, I would not have gone that night, and as it was, I spent the evening trying not to look as uncomfortable as I felt. On the way home, I told Tris that if I had known how superfluous I was going to be, I would not have gone. Tris answered and said that he was glad I was there, because my very presence had a “gentling influence” on the conversation, keeping it from turning in directions it ought not to go. Suddenly, I was very glad I had gone.

That got me to thinking, though. How does one accomplish such a thing? It seems to me that there are several factors that make one a gentling influence, the first of which is the matter of dress. Do I look gentle? --I certainly don’t mean that we ought to be merely ornamental, or to seek to seem weak and fragile, but there is a gentling effect that comes from the presence of a modest, feminine girl or lady.

One time as I was on the bus, a man across from me began a conversation with the heavily-tattooed man in the next seat. As their conversation progressed, it became apparent that the tatooed man had a rather entertaining way of phrasing things, and was very friendly. Before long, he had most of the passengers listening to a description of the tattooing process. In the course of the conversation, this colorful man used some colorful language. I continued to stare out my window, (very carefully giving no indication that I had even heard him swear) and he kept on with his story. When we came to his stop, he stood and began to say goodbye to all his new friends. On the way out of the bus, he stopped in front of me and said, “Sorry about the swearing.”

There were many other women on the bus, and even a few children, but he only apologized to me. I believe it was because I was (sadly) the only wholesomely and femininely dressed woman on the bus. The presence of a lady who looked like a lady had enough of a gentling influence on this man to make him think twice about the language he used in front of me –enough to make him apologize.

The way women dress has a definite effect on the way they are treated. I know this from personal experience, because I used to dress in a very different way than I do now. –But that’s another post for another day. The point is, if I don’t look like a lady, I can’t expect to be treated like one, and thus am not likely to be the gentling influence God created me to be.