...and a Happy New Year!

It is the very first moments of a brand new year, and I wanted to share this passage from Ephesians 3 with you, for this, dear reader, is my prayer for you in this bright and shining start of a new decade:

"That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man;
That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
May be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God"
Ephesians 3:16-19

That is the purpose of this blog: to point your eyes to the fullness of God which really can be yours as you seek Him and learn of Him.

Aren't you glad that God's goodness is not dependent upon our age, status, or stage of life? Wherever you're at, God is the same. He is not the author of emptiness, but of fullness; not of darkness, but of light; not of despair, but of hope. However turbulent the year may prove to be, God remains, and with Him the love and fullness which are always ours in Christ.

"Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, 
Unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

New Year's Goals for the Plodder

I must admit, I bristle when one of my friends asks me about my goals for the new year. I shouldn't. Goals are a good thing, and help us keep from coasting along in apathy. But when you're in a season of life where there seem to be no "major" goals for which to strive, it can be difficult to be motivated to make any goals.  (Don't worry, I'm not just going to complain the whole post -there's a point to all this...stay with me!)

 At this moment, I know that I am right where God wants me to be, doing exactly what He wants me doing, and since I have no clear direction from the Lord about changes in the future, making goals can be difficult.

It's not as if I'm in a corporate job, seeking to climb my way to the next promotion. For a teacher who loves the grade she's teaching, promotion to a different position is a very unwelcome thing. And I already have the degrees I had been working so hard on, so there's no more major educational milestone to be achieved.

 I'm a plodder. I don't have some overarching plan to work towards, nor do I have any dreams of accomplishing some grand thing. But I do know that there are things I need to work on this next year, and written goals will keep me from blowing those things off as too much work or just something to do "later".

One thing I tend to forget is that things I've already been doing for years can count as goals. For example, I have been reading through the entire Bible each year since my early teens, and it's easy to feel like reading through the Bible this year doesn't count as a "real" goal. But it does. It matters immensely that I continue in God's Word, though daily Bible reading and time in prayer have become such a normal part of my life. It matters that I keep that up, and that I keep focused on my relationship with God.

Sometimes goals for the plodder look like continuations of past goals, sometimes with additions, sometimes just the same. Goals don't have to be big and flashy to be worked towards.

The biggest thing to remember about goals is that no matter how easy the goal might seem on paper, you need God's help to achieve it. We need to be looking at our goals, not as something to achieve so we can point to ourselves and say "look what I did", but rather as something that drives us to God in humility, looking to accomplish each goal for His glory, to show off what He did in enabling us to meet each goal. 

So, here I am, plodding along towards my seemingly insignificant goals which may not seem impressive or important to the world, but if each is done to God's glory, each is significant and important to Him. And He is the truest judge of value.

Surviving (and Thriving!) Single at Christmas

So, I don't plan on many of these "poor me, I'm single, and it's so hard" posts, but I know from experience that the Christmas season can be one of the hardest to come through with any semblance of contentment left intact.  With all the parties and banquets, family gatherings, and other events, life is busier than normal, and it can seem like everywhere you turn there are fresh reminders that others are celebrating with a spouse or "special someone", and you are not.

But instead of throwing a pity party and riding out the season in your jammies, curled up in a fuzzy blanket on the couch while watching those sappy Christmas movies that make you feel even worse, you could be joyfully thriving and truly enjoying the season.

Now, I'm no singleness expert and I have very few noteworthy examples of single life being hard at Christmastime, but I have wasted many Christmases with my focus on that which I did not have, instead of on what God had given me to enjoy, and I wanted to mention some things I wish someone would have told me years ago.

1.  Remember what you're celebrating
Honestly, this is the biggest help to Christmastime discontent. Sometimes, you just need to get alone with God, read the Christmas story or a good Christmas devotional, ponder the words to a favorite Christmas hymn, or just pray and ask God to help you get your focus off yourself and onto Him. After all, it's the love and graciousness of God we celebrate. Contrary to what Hallmark would have us think, Christmas is not about finding that perfect someone, but about God loving you so much that He was willing to lay aside the glory of His Deity and the perfections of Heaven to live here on earth, born among dirty, smelly animals and living among depraved sinners whose wickedness must have been so hard for His holiness to rub shoulders with day after day.

--And He did that for you.

With that kind of love to celebrate, our dreams of human love suddenly become far less impressive.

2. Embrace the people God has placed around you
Ok, so this can be a tough one at times. When we are wrapped up in longing for what we want but do not have, we tend to forget how much we really do already have.

My parents and I are at the point where we have gone from having to put all the leaves in the dining room table and add an extra table to fit everyone in for Christmas dinner to having to take all the leaves out so we can all reach to pass the food. There have been a few of our former number that have passed away, but most are absent because they now have families of their own and between the needs of small children, long-held traditions of in-laws, and distance, they have not been able to spend Christmas day with us as they used to. There are four of us this year, my parents, my aunt, and I.

At first, it can be easy to grumble or feel offended at those who are not coming, or to feel depressed and lonely, wallowing in remembrances of the "good old days" when there was a houseful. But as I have learned to embrace the changes God has allowed to our family traditions, I have found new things to enjoy, and although I will probably always miss those who used to come, I can nevertheless rest in the knowledge that the four around our table are the four God means to be there this year. Again, this entails getting my eyes off myself and back onto God and, through Him, onto those He has placed around me for me to minister to.

That brings us to number three:

3. Realize it's not about you!
I'll be the first to admit that my focus usually tends to be on myself --especially at Christmas. I can be so wrapped up (no pun intended!) in the preparations and expectations of how Christmas will be, only to become morose in disappointment when things do not turn out exactly as I expected them.

But Christmas is not about me. It's not even about you! It's about God, and the sooner I realize that, the sooner He can begin to work through me as He has planned to be a blessing and encouragement to those around me. And if I focus on encouraging others, God will make sure that I have the encouragement I need as well! After all, the true joy comes in giving not receiving, just as Christ joyed in giving Himself for us. Consider Hebrews 12:2:

"Looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."

True joy goes hand in hand with service. One way my family and I have found to serve others at Christmastime is delivering plates of homemade cookies to my neighbors, along with a Christmas card containing either a tract or an invitation to my church's Christmas Eve service. We inevitably come back in much more cheerful spirits than when we left to deliver the plates, and our neighbors have always seemed encouraged by the gesture.

4. Determine to Enjoy the Little Things 
What's your favorite part of Christmas? Is it the lights? The cookies? Candy Canes? Peppermint mochas? Decorating the Christmas tree?

Whatever it is you enjoy about Christmas, enjoy it! Now, maybe that's a dangerous thing to say about a holiday that tends to throw sugary treats at one with joyful abandon, but here's my point: If you enjoy Christmas cookies, make a batch, sit in a comfy chair with a cup of tea (or milk, if that's your thing), put your feet up, and enjoy the moment. (Not the whole batch, mind you --temperance is still a fruit of the Spirit even in December!) It doesn't have to be a perfect day to have peace and joy as you rejoice in the gift of a moment of rest and sweetness.

I have always enjoyed decorating for Christmas, and the day my parents travel to visit my sister I always venture out into the backyard to pick up fir branches to tie together into garlands for our living room. Then, when the garlands are up and the mess is tidied, I sit and admire the fruits of my efforts for just a little while, taking joy in the beauty God allows us to have around us.

One year, my family was taking a walk after Christmas dinner and I ended up walking alone at the back of the group (walking with an odd number of people is always awkward). As I turned my focus outward and began looking around for things to enjoy, I found them in abundance. There was the cold breeze on my face, the warmth of my scarf and hat, the music of laughter of a little nephew, the beauty of the lights shimmering on the houses as we passed, the delight of watching family members get along so well, and the joy of being all together in one place. An outward focus can turn around even the worst "alone in a crowd" experience.

5. Be Un-offendable
Nothing is so miserable as being offended at people during Christmas. Perhaps you're offended because of something someone said or did, perhaps you're offended that someone else is offended with you --whatever the case, it's a miserable way to feel, and not at all worth it! Whatever happens this Christmas, resolve to be unoffendable. When others do or say things that annoy or disgust you, or hurt your feelings, remember that Christ was born on earth to live a holy life amidst sinful mankind, and eventually to be terribly tortured and killed in the most painful way they could devise --all to save the souls of those who had hurt and rejected Him. --That is the Christ we as Christians are to represent to those around us. One of the things I pray for myself every day is that I would reflect Christ in all I say and do. It is a very serious responsibility to be an ambassador for Christ, and we cannot afford to be offended or bear grudges against those for whom Christ died.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it is a list of things I have learned over the years that I pray will be helpful to you.

When God Asks for your Future

Someone I know asks me a dreadful question periodically. They ask, "So, where do you see yourself in five years?". And then I sit, completely devoid of an answer for an awkwardly long period of time. I usually end up fumbling around and finally landing on "It's hard to say..."

That is a truly terrible question to ask a single lady who is trying to live contented in a life that is very different to what she had planned in her younger years. I have tried over the years to learn to set my focus on what God wants me to do now, rather than on what I expect or long for the future to hold.  But even at that, being asked to contemplate five years from now can really chip away at contentment if I'm not careful.

And the fact is, none of us can know what the future will hold, but we so very easily pin our hopes to a distant, far-off "someday" that will --according to our carefully imagined picture-- be completely perfect. Those hopes and dreams become unspeakably precious to us, and we work and pray towards that bright and shining "someday" in which everything will be exactly as we had planned... but in reality, we have taken our trustful gaze off the Lord, who really does know what our future will be, and has a "good and perfect" will for us. (Romans 12:2)

Often, that is exactly when God chooses to remind us that our plans are not binding, that we really have no control over any part of our future, and that our trust needs to be in Him, not in our "somedays". He is entirely worthy of our trust, but in order to fully trust Him, we need to surrender our "someday" and release our grip on the expected future we so dearly love.

Abraham knew about this. In Genesis 22, God comes to Abraham and asks him to sacrifice his son.

His only son.

Whom he loves. 

The very wording of the command seems designed to remind Abraham of every reason he might have for refusing, yet instead of questioning or even delaying, he got up early and went out to obey God's command. He obeyed God even to the point of putting Isaac on the altar and raising the knife! -But before we allow our minds to jump to the Divine plot twist that comes next, consider with me what exactly Abraham was willing to sacrifice.

Yes, Isaac was his son, and he dearly loved him. But more than that, he was the son of promise, the fruit of many years of waiting in faith that God would at last provide a son to be the heir of the land God had given as well as the one through whose line would come the Savior in whom all the world would be blessed. Also, Isaac was Abraham's sole heir, which meant that he was the one on whom Abraham would depend for care in his old age.

In short, God was asking Abraham to sacrifice his future.  And he was willing to do it, too. God stopped him just in time and provided a different and appropriate sacrifice for Abraham to offer. God didn't want Isaac's death, He simply wanted Abraham to be willing to give up that which was the dearest to him, not just his son, but the hopes and dreams attached to him.

I used to think that surrendering my hopes and dreams to God would mean that they would never come to pass, that surrender would be the beginning of a bleak and hopeless existence, but that is one of Satan's powerful lies. Surrender does not bring misery and emptiness, it brings joy and hope and peaceful fulfillment as one accepts what God has planned and learns to find fulfillment in a relationship with the loving and all-wise God.

And lest we be bowed by the reality of every day life, there is yet one hope for the future that is certain, and that we may always look forward to; a very real "someday" when everything will indeed be completely perfect. For those who put their trust in Christ for salvation, the future will culminate in an eternity with God in heaven, where there is no more sin, no more sorrow, and no more sickness. Best of all, we will forever be with the Lord Himself! That indeed is something to look forward to!

God is Enough When Alone in a Crowd

The first time I ate alone in a restaurant, I thought I knew what I was walking into.  I was well-prepared with textbooks, notebook, highlighters, pencil, and pen. I had plenty to keep me busy, and as I walked up to the door, I put on my most nonchalant air, as if I did this every day and was completely fine with eating out by myself. I walked in with confidence, but as the waiter left with my order and I opened my textbook, I found myself face-to-face with the acute awkwardness of sitting alone in a room full of people enjoying themselves. 

I did eventually get used to dining out alone, and now I even enjoy it…most of the time.

But then there’s other times, like last Wednesday, when that awkwardness comes flooding in and I find myself feeling alone in the middle of a crowd.

It all started when I decided to try a pasta place a friend had told me about. 

I’ve been searching for a good place to eat dinner before church on Wednesdays ever since the friendly little diner I used to frequent changed hands and became decidedly less friendly. I found this new place all right, and walked up to the door with great anticipation of finding good food and good atmosphere in which to study or write while I eat. As I got closer to the door, I noticed a large sandwich-board sign proclaiming in large and trendy chalk lettering: “Wine Wednesday”. 

Since I don’t drink, the sign had the opposite effect on me from that which was intended. I turned around right there and walked back to my car, disappointed, but still hoping I would still find some hidden gem of a restaurant at which to spend my dinnertime. 

Sadly, I ended up at a rather indifferent chain-diner instead. The music was ear-splittingly loud in the lobby, and not much better in the dining room. The waitress was friendly -in a distant sort of way- but took an unusually long time to come to my table to take my order. As I waited (and waited), I began to notice that the booths around me were full of couples and families talking and laughing, as well as a small group of ladies –one of whom was singing happily along at the top of her lungs to the already obnoxious music. 

Eventually, the waitress came and took my order, and, knowing I very likely had another long wait ahead of me, I reached for my book to try to stave off my feelings of awkwardness. Just then, my phone buzzed with a text from a dear friend, and then a different friend texted, and soon I was enjoying the fellowship of two conversations in addition to the delightful book I was reading. That brightened my dinner exceedingly, and helped to dispel my awkward feelings. 

I think everyone struggles with feeling “alone-in-a-crowd” at some point in their lives, regardless of what stage of life they happen to be in. The truth is, whether single or married, living alone or with a large family, we all experience that longing for fellowship and emotional closeness with the people around us- or just to feel included in their conversations or experiences.

I’ve been reading a book recently by Lysa TerKeurst called: “Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely”. (Book review to come!) 

I don’t know much about the authoress, except that she is a pastor’s wife, and that we differ widely in some areas, (which I fully expect to stem from some sort of doctrinal disagreement) but so far this particular book has been very practical and -most importantly- Biblically sound. One of the chapters deals with this “alone-in-a-crowd” phenomenon, to which I fall prey more often than I would like to admit. One of her statements, however, has helped me enormously. She writes about how we can prepare in advance for such occasions by reminding ourselves,

 “I bring the fullness of God into this place with me. Therefore, I am on assignment to bring His acceptance and love into this place.”

 

This takes the focus off my emotions and puts me into service mode. I am not here to be emotionally coddled or to have my ego stroked so I feel special: I am here to show God’s love to others, drawing from His fullness with which He has filled me. 

I love what she says next:

“This isn’t some legalistic attempt to earn points with God. This is an authentic way to live as someone who knows she is truly loved by God.”[1]

 

One of the best Scriptures for battling emptiness is Ephesians 3:16-19, in which Paul tells the Ephesians that he prays to God:

 “That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.”

Sometimes, my mind just has to have a good, stern talk with my heart, reminding it of what is true. Being filled with all the fullness of God is not an emotion, it is a fact, just like God’s love for me. Once I remind myself that I am in the season God has chosen for me out of His perfect and loving wisdom, once I choose (yet again) to accept the grace He offers me to find Him enough for every need and every moment, then I can live full, overflowing with God’s fullness, even when societal expectations or my own emotions demand that I ought to feel empty. I can say no to self-focus and self-pity and embrace with my heart the truth which my mind already knows: 

I am never alone, never forgotten -even in a crowd.

---

[1] TerKeurst, Lysa. Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely p. 50

Book Review: Singled Out for Him

So, I never thought myself a "start-a-book-club" sort of person... for one thing, I keep myself quite busy, and for another, the very thought of being out any later than necessary on any given day of the week makes me tired. But recently, the idea occurred that I now have several friends in similar stages of life as myself, and that a book club would not only give us excuses both to read and to spend time together, but that discussing a book we had all read would give us a natural opening for conversation. 

But what to read? I wanted us to read something that would be uplifting and would help us to embrace the season of singleness God had us each in. I had been listening to the Revive our Hearts podcast, and thought it might be good to look at some of their resources as a place to start. I ordered the little book (almost a pamphlet, really) Singled Out for Him, and a quick skimming of the table of contents and a page here and there convinced me that this was indeed the right book to begin our book club with.

What I appreciated the most about this book was the matter-of-fact, no-excuses teaching, but with a compassion that communicated that the writer really did know what single ladies go through. The whole focus of the book was that we need to view singleness as a gift from God, not necessarily in the way people usually think of having "the gift of singleness", but the same way we tend to view marriage as a gift. It is a state of life which God gives because He plans to use it for His glory. Singleness is a season both of opportunity and of responsibility.

-I don't want to say much more, lest I give the whole book away, but I will say that the four of us all agreed that the book was definitely worth reading and full of good, Biblical teaching that touched each of our lives in different ways. 

Labour of Love

I'm at the stage in life where most of my friends are in the season of child rearing, and several of them have quite a few young ones to take care of. 

Whether it's just one or a whole bunch of children, these young mommies have their every moment taken up with thankless tasks which seem at times so very tedious. Their lives are punctuated by another diaper to change, another load of laundry to fold, another meal to prepare, another argument to sort through between siblings, another sick child to care for... and the list could go on and on.

We have similar tedium in teaching, although teachers at least get somewhat of a break once their students have gone home. For us, the day looks like another shoelace to tie, another stack of papers to correct, another question to answer (which you've already answered for the class several times), another makeup test to give that student who was absent, another friendship to mend, another recess injury to patch up... only to get up and begin the cycle over again the next day. 

Tedious work is common to mankind, and I'm sure you could give your own list of tedious chores or tasks. So, since these things are part of life, how does God want us to view them? 

I heard in a sermon this past Sunday that in 1 Thessalonians 1:3, the phrase "labour of love" contains a Greek word which actually means tedious work. Just the mention of word tedious brings to mind certain types of work that I do not enjoy doing, but are nonetheless necessary. The Thessalonians would no doubt have thought of specific tasks when they read the letter from Paul, calling it not just tedious work, but tedious work carried out in love --and it was one of the reasons Paul was so thankful for the believers at Thessalonica. 

"We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers; Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father" 

(1 Thessalonians 1:3-4)

The response of the Thessalonians to the kind of tedious work Paul observed them doing led him to characterize it as a loving endeavor. 

What a difference it would make to our lives if we saw the tedious tasks as gifts, rather than burdens. It would transform each diaper changed, each stack of papers corrected, each shoelace tied, each meal prepared, each load of laundry folded. It would turn each one from an unavoidable annoyance into a precious opportunity to demonstrate the truest kind of love -the same love that God shows us every day- the kind of love that delights to do even the smallest, most thankless task simply for the reason that we are doing it for the one we love. Not only would we have the opportunity of showing love to others countless times in a day, but with each bit of tedium embraced with joy we would demonstrate our love for God as well.  

So what tedium does God want to transform in your life today?

"For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward His name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister. "