So, I don't plan on many of these "poor me, I'm single, and it's so hard" posts, but I know from experience that the Christmas season can be one of the hardest to come through with any semblance of contentment left intact. With all the parties and banquets, family gatherings, and other events, life is busier than normal, and it can seem like everywhere you turn there are fresh reminders that others are celebrating with a spouse or "special someone", and you are not.
But instead of throwing a pity party and riding out the season in your jammies, curled up in a fuzzy blanket on the couch while watching those sappy Christmas movies that make you feel even worse, you could be joyfully thriving and truly enjoying the season.
Now, I'm no singleness expert and I have very few noteworthy examples of single life being hard at Christmastime, but I have wasted many Christmases with my focus on that which I did not have, instead of on what God had given me to enjoy, and I wanted to mention some things I wish someone would have told me years ago.
1. Remember what you're celebrating
Honestly, this is the biggest help to Christmastime discontent. Sometimes, you just need to get alone with God, read the Christmas story or a good Christmas devotional, ponder the words to a favorite Christmas hymn, or just pray and ask God to help you get your focus off yourself and onto Him. After all, it's the love and graciousness of God we celebrate. Contrary to what Hallmark would have us think, Christmas is not about finding that perfect someone, but about God loving you so much that He was willing to lay aside the glory of His Deity and the perfections of Heaven to live here on earth, born among dirty, smelly animals and living among depraved sinners whose wickedness must have been so hard for His holiness to rub shoulders with day after day.
--And He did that for you.
With that kind of love to celebrate, our dreams of human love suddenly become far less impressive.
2. Embrace the people God has placed around you
Ok, so this can be a tough one at times. When we are wrapped up in longing for what we want but do not have, we tend to forget how much we really do already have.
My parents and I are at the point where we have gone from having to put all the leaves in the dining room table and add an extra table to fit everyone in for Christmas dinner to having to take all the leaves out so we can all reach to pass the food. There have been a few of our former number that have passed away, but most are absent because they now have families of their own and between the needs of small children, long-held traditions of in-laws, and distance, they have not been able to spend Christmas day with us as they used to. There are four of us this year, my parents, my aunt, and I.
At first, it can be easy to grumble or feel offended at those who are not coming, or to feel depressed and lonely, wallowing in remembrances of the "good old days" when there was a houseful. But as I have learned to embrace the changes God has allowed to our family traditions, I have found new things to enjoy, and although I will probably always miss those who used to come, I can nevertheless rest in the knowledge that the four around our table are the four God means to be there this year. Again, this entails getting my eyes off myself and back onto God and, through Him, onto those He has placed around me for me to minister to.
That brings us to number three:
3. Realize it's not about you!
I'll be the first to admit that my focus usually tends to be on myself --especially at Christmas. I can be so wrapped up (no pun intended!) in the preparations and expectations of how Christmas will be, only to become morose in disappointment when things do not turn out exactly as I expected them.
But Christmas is not about me. It's not even about you! It's about God, and the sooner I realize that, the sooner He can begin to work through me as He has planned to be a blessing and encouragement to those around me. And if I focus on encouraging others, God will make sure that I have the encouragement I need as well! After all, the true joy comes in giving not receiving, just as Christ joyed in giving Himself for us. Consider Hebrews 12:2:
"Looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."
True joy goes hand in hand with service. One way my family and I have found to serve others at Christmastime is delivering plates of homemade cookies to my neighbors, along with a Christmas card containing either a tract or an invitation to my church's Christmas Eve service. We inevitably come back in much more cheerful spirits than when we left to deliver the plates, and our neighbors have always seemed encouraged by the gesture.
4. Determine to Enjoy the Little Things
What's your favorite part of Christmas? Is it the lights? The cookies? Candy Canes? Peppermint mochas? Decorating the Christmas tree?
Whatever it is you enjoy about Christmas, enjoy it! Now, maybe that's a dangerous thing to say about a holiday that tends to throw sugary treats at one with joyful abandon, but here's my point: If you enjoy Christmas cookies, make a batch, sit in a comfy chair with a cup of tea (or milk, if that's your thing), put your feet up, and enjoy the moment. (Not the whole batch, mind you --temperance is still a fruit of the Spirit even in December!) It doesn't have to be a perfect day to have peace and joy as you rejoice in the gift of a moment of rest and sweetness.
I have always enjoyed decorating for Christmas, and the day my parents travel to visit my sister I always venture out into the backyard to pick up fir branches to tie together into garlands for our living room. Then, when the garlands are up and the mess is tidied, I sit and admire the fruits of my efforts for just a little while, taking joy in the beauty God allows us to have around us.
One year, my family was taking a walk after Christmas dinner and I ended up walking alone at the back of the group (walking with an odd number of people is always awkward). As I turned my focus outward and began looking around for things to enjoy, I found them in abundance. There was the cold breeze on my face, the warmth of my scarf and hat, the music of laughter of a little nephew, the beauty of the lights shimmering on the houses as we passed, the delight of watching family members get along so well, and the joy of being all together in one place. An outward focus can turn around even the worst "alone in a crowd" experience.
5. Be Un-offendable
Nothing is so miserable as being offended at people during Christmas. Perhaps you're offended because of something someone said or did, perhaps you're offended that someone else is offended with you --whatever the case, it's a miserable way to feel, and not at all worth it! Whatever happens this Christmas, resolve to be unoffendable. When others do or say things that annoy or disgust you, or hurt your feelings, remember that Christ was born on earth to live a holy life amidst sinful mankind, and eventually to be terribly tortured and killed in the most painful way they could devise --all to save the souls of those who had hurt and rejected Him. --That is the Christ we as Christians are to represent to those around us. One of the things I pray for myself every day is that I would reflect Christ in all I say and do. It is a very serious responsibility to be an ambassador for Christ, and we cannot afford to be offended or bear grudges against those for whom Christ died.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it is a list of things I have learned over the years that I pray will be helpful to you.
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