It might not seem that big of a deal to try to please others, after all, isn't that an unselfish thing to do?
Actually, the pursuit of approval is completely self-motivated. It is driven by a feeling of emptiness, a desire for the fulfillment that comes when the other person is pleased with us and demonstrates love or acceptance. It makes us feel good, and we naturally want more love, more approval, more acceptance.
This can be very dangerous, however, and God takes the matter seriously. Remember Ananias and Sapphira? Their story is found in Acts 5:1-11. This couple sold a piece of land, and then lied, pretending to give the whole price, when in fact, they were only giving part. They wanted to look like they were being piously generous, but in reality, they were being stingy. Still, they had a choice. As Peter points out, the land was theirs, the money was theirs, and the choice of what to do with both was theirs. They were not required to give all, so why did they pretend to?
Because they wanted approval.
They wanted the believers in their community to think well of them. Others had done similarly with their land, and no doubt were thought well of for their generosity and dedication to Christ. Selling the land and being seen to give the whole price to the church certainly would have seemed like a good way to gain approval, but they were not acting from a Spirit-led heart. They were acting in self-interest, and not only did it cost them the opinion of the church, it cost them their very lives. God knew their duplicity and put a stop to it there and then.
When we seek to have our longing for approval filled by others, whether it be our peers, parents, bosses, pastors, teachers, or anyone else, we will be easily led into sin. This is why peer pressure works. People want to be approved, thought well of, and liked, and so they will do and say things they never would have done or said otherwise in order to impress.
The problem is, other people can never fill that empty part of our heart that cries out for acceptance, love, and approval. That emptiness exists so God can fill it. Only God can truly satisfy our need for love and approval, only God can give us the fullness of being accepted.
People change. Their approval or acceptance of us, even their love is dependent on what we do. God's approval and acceptance are based first and foremost on what Christ has already done. It is Christ's sacrifice that makes available to us God's acceptance of us.
Ephesians 1:6 says that through Christ we are "accepted in the beloved". For the saved, acceptance is already accomplished, once and for all. Jesus said, "him that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out." (John 6:37) Those who come to Christ will never be rejected by Him. And once we belong to God, nothing can remove us from His hand! (John 10:29)
God's love is also not dependent on our behavior. He has said, "I have loved thee with an everlasting love" (Jeremiah 31:3) and Romans 5:8 reminds us, "But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." He has proved His unconditional love by sacrificing Himself to pay for our sin. I love the way 2 Corinthians 5:21 puts it:
"For He hath made Him to be sin for us, who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him."
Now, God's love and acceptance are based on Christ's actions, but that does not mean our actions are not important. We have a responsibility to live out the truth of our acceptance before God, and of His love for us. How do we do that? Jesus said, "If ye love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15). We show that we love God by obeying. 1 John 2:3 says "And hereby we do know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments." Obviously, obedience is important, because it shows that we have been accepted, that we know God.
We also live out the truth of God's approval by reading and studying the Bible. Timothy is told, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." (2 Timothy 2:15) We show ourselves to be "approved unto God" by studying and knowing God's Word. The more we know of God through His Word, the more confidently we can serve Him.
Jesus also said, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:34-35) We show the truth of God's love for us by loving others with the same kind of love He has lavished on us.
All these things we do only show what is on the inside. It is possible to make a show of doing the "right things" outwardly without getting our inward focus right, like Ananias and Sapphira. No one can fix our focus for us. It is a matter of getting alone with God, confessing our wrong focus, and accepting the truth of His love, His acceptance, and His approval of us through Christ.
One passage that helped me recently in this area was Deuteronomy 32:4, part of the song of Moses:
"He is the Rock, His work is
perfect: for all His ways are judgement: a God of truth and without iniquity,
just and right is He."
That was the key for me. I knew all the truths about God's acceptance and approval, but I had to trust that whether or not I ever gained approval from a certain set of people, God was perfectly just in what He was allowing. It was not until I took the verse apart and applied the truths about God to my specific situation that I really had victory, though.
He is the Rock: unmovable, unchanging, steady, and secure.
His work is perfect: I can trust His working, both in my heart and the hearts of those around me.
for all His ways are judgement: He will only do what is just and right.
a God of truth: Whatever false impression others may have of me, God knows the truth.
and without iniquity: He is good, and this hurt He has allowed will bring good in my life.
just and right is He: I can trust Him.
Whatever other people may think of us, no matter if they approve or disapprove of us, love or hate us, accept or reject us, nothing changes the fact that God has already unalterably approved us in Christ, accepted us as His own, and loved us, before we even came to Him.
"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39
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